Thinking Out Loud
Tidbits
I am a 24 year old female who still cannot come to call myself as a woman simply because I am like a child in a lot of ways. I am an online gamer and I have a several jobs but I fix people's flights and hotel problems for a living in the real world. I cry over rock songs but I cannot play any instrument. I have people screaming, crying and cursing at me for 40 hours in a week and I can still be nice to people. I suck at doing girly things but I love flowers in the pouring rain. I do not like arguments but I stand fast to my beliefs. I am my own person. I can be your pleasant surprise.
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Sunday, April 30, 2006

Listening to: Blue Sky [Hale]
..."Coz there's a blue sky waiting tomorrow; Waiting tomorrow; Shining and shimmering.."


I'm in the office right now, doing the midnight shift. I've got queenie doing the confirmation (wee~ it's nice to have an assistant! XD) so I've got nothing to do but browse the net and wait for that someone who stays up with me to go OL. ^^

I had a good day! And I wasn't the only one who noticed. Even the people at the office saw the change in me. They said I'm almost back to my old self, haha. I've had every reason to smile. Sales were good, I'm doing a great job (if I may say so myself), and my bosses are pleased with what I'm doing. Wee~ Never mind those people who whispers behind my back. I'm not the one who's not gonna get promoted anyways. *ebul grin*

I woke up late! So I was late for work, haha. I guess I got too tired from the megamall escapade we had. I also stayed up late. I was chatting with ate jen and josh, and I was texting with carlo and haree. And speaking of texts, I did a double take when I looked at my inbox yesterday morning. I had 75 messages in there, accumulated in a span of 12 hours. I didn't realize I'm back to the text-crazy girl I once was! Haha.. I think this is what happens when you don't have someone you can make "kulit" all the time - you text all your friends hoping someone would text back and start a marathon texting session with you! LOL =P But it's not as bad as it sounds, it's actually fun! I got to catch up with a lot of people!

I'm also into expanding my friendster friend network. Yeah, corny! But haven't got anything to do atm, so I might as well connect with old friends and schoolmates! :) And speaking of old friends, it's my other ex's birthday yesterday. I wrote him a testi thanking him for teaching me how to play Red Alert - coz that's what got me hooked to RPG's and eventually online gaming. Hmm.. I wonder how he's doing. I also got a text from my sister, she said she saw my first love yesterday. We never made it as a couple though, too many "What if's" and "Could've been's". He's not as cute as he looked before daw! Maybe because he's already married and has a kid! Haha~ I wonder what he'll say to me when he sees me now..

Lala~

I crashed at Miss Joey's place after my Saturday AM shift. Watched Fun with Dick & Jane and Memoirs of a Geisha on DVD and I started reading Dan Brunstein's book about The Davinci Code. But 5 pages into the first chapter, I fell asleep (because I'm tired, not coz I don't like the book!) and when I woke up it was 11 pm and I have to get ready for work! Good thing I brought clothes with me! Haha~

Anyways, back to topic 'coz I'm starting to blabber. Haha~ I'm just sooo in a good mood. I feel like giving everybody a hug! [xxx]

I know it's a cliche but it's true, there's always gonna be a blue sky after the rain. [Please refer to picture] I think the image was shot out of a window right after the rain fell, when the sky has cleared. That's pretty much how I feel right now [that's why I chose to included it in this entry] The past week has been pretty rough, but things are starting to look up for me. Thanks to all the people who went out of their way to cheer me up :)

5:24 PM

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Listening to: Stuck in a Moment [U2]
..."You've got to get yourself together you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it"..

Last night I didn't cry at all! Wee~ And for the first time in a week I actually made it early for work! LOL XD

Anyways, I was thinking about what I'm gonna do with my life now. And I figured I can't stay like this coz it's not gonna do me any good. Today, I smiled more than I did the past few days. Which really made me happy. Although some people in the office goes out of their way to annoy me, I hardly cared. Carlo was kidding me, he said looks like I was having a good day since I didn't complain to him about me feeling like crap!

Oh well.. I'm tired. I just got home from the mall. There's a three day sale in SM Megamall and it took me almost an hour just to get a ride home!
Also went shopping today! Since it's payday! LOL =P I got me a new shirt from American Eagle, khaki drawstring pants from Banana Republic and a new tote bag! I wonder what it is with shopping that makes women forget about their problems! *Laughs out Loud* Post break-up shopping brings back memories for me! It was the same thing I did when my first bf and I broke up (after being together for 2 yrs). After crying my heart out, I went out to shop too! I was 17 then. Now I'm 21, and I just finished off a 4-year relationship. Whew~ Nothing much has changed - save for the fact that I have more shopping money now that I'm earning my own moolah!

Life goes on. This is how I see the world now.

Anyways, part of the not being stuck in moment scheme I have going is reinventing myself. I was thinking I could overhaul my wardrobe but then again, it's not gonna be me anymore. I wasn't too good at being girly to start with! Maybe when I have time, I'm gonna have something done to my hair. Get a haircut. Whatever.

I gotta sleep, I have work tomorrow at 6 am. I don't wanna be late and upset Chupabz! ^_^


1:52 PM

Friday, April 28, 2006


Listening to: The First Cut is the Deepest [Sheryl Crow]
..."Coz when it comes to being lucky he's cursed; And when it comes to loving me he's worst.."

Last night was spent tossing and turning, very much like the previous night. Sure, I work the morning shift nowadays, 6 am til 1 pm but when I looked in the mirror today I saw the dark circles under my eyes. And to add to that, my eyes were all puffy from crying myself to sleep.

Heck. I wasn't expecting it to be like this. I thought I'd be OK. It wasn't until two nights ago when I started crying myself to sleep. God, I miss Carlo. And what's ironic is the fact that while I couldn't stop myself from sobbing, Carlo was texting me saying everything's gonna be OK. That we'd be better off as friends - for now.

Things aren't so good in the office as well. Gah! I hate office politics >.< And I know some of my co-workers are saying stuff about me when they think I'm not listening. It's not fair, I'm only doing my job. Sure I'm upset, very much upset about it but right now there's nothing I can do. I just have to ride it out.

I'm gonna admit it. Right now I feel like crap. There's no point in pretending that I'm super, when I really am not. Damn. 4 years down the drain. But I know we didn't totally lose it, we're very good friends. And I'm grateful for that.

On the bright side, I'm looking forward to the weekend. I'm gonna start playing RF again! Weee~ And I also wanna watch Silent Hill. But I have gotta find someone to go with me first! For the first time in 4 years I am actually in need of a date! XD

10:21 AM

Thursday, April 27, 2006


Listening to: Fix You [Coldplay]
...And the tears come streaming down your face; When you lose something you can't replace; When you love someone but it goes to waste; Could it be worse?..

Emo mode: God, this song is just killing me right now. Hit me right where it hurts the most! X_x

Today wasn't a good day for me. Too much stuff going on, in my personal life as well as in the office. I need a breather. So I figured instead of wallowing in self-pity, I'd rather think about my happy thoughts - so I came up with this list:

Things That Make Me Happy*

  • Flowers in the pouring rain
  • Fireworks
  • Fireflies
  • A good book and a good cup of coffee
  • Foggy nights
  • Shopping for the perfect gift and wrapping it myself
  • Watching MTV in the wee hours of the morning
  • Babies
  • Hugs and butterfly kisses
  • Coke with every meal XD
  • Talking out loud in English when no one is around!
  • Stargazing
  • Making Paperboats
  • Dressing up my avatars
  • Daydreaming
  • Being me
  • Alternative rock music
  • Crying my heart out to just feel better
  • Cotton Candy and Popcorn
  • Making a difference
  • Recording my singing on my phone!
  • My alone time with myself doing whatever things
  • Girly chats with my girlfriends
  • Writing notes the recipient would never read
  • Learning new things
  • My mom's cooking
  • Sneakers
  • Vodka Mudshake and Tequila shots
  • My Timex watch
  • My Dreamcather necky
  • Making a wish
  • Falling stars
  • Walking along a tree-lined street with leaves falling around me
  • Firetrees in full bloom
  • Christmas lights
  • Snowflakes (when I get the chance to experience it!)
  • Fairies
  • Making someone happy

*List is subject to change

Hmm, now that I've had time to think I couldn't actually find a reason why I shouldn't be smiling right now. ^_^




9:24 AM

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Listening to: Collide [Howie Day]
.. Even the best fall down sometimes; Even the wrong words seem to rhyme; Out of the doubt that fills my mind; I somehow find; You and I collide..



It's been 3 days since Carlo and I broke up. Surprisingly though, I am actually OK. Sure, I've shed my share of post break-up tears but I didn't get my eyes all puffy. My friends wonder how I do it - bouncing back so quickly. And honestly, I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm so fiercely independent that I refuse to be tied down by "just" a break up.

I've had time to think things over, and I have no regrets. We did have our differences. But after all's been said and done, I'm glad we ended up as friends. We still text a lot. It's funny though, the transition was almost seamless. We went from being long-time lovers to being friends in just a snap. And it's ironic coz now that we're no longer together as a couple we stopped arguing about the things that we argued about all the time. XD

Right now, the only people who knows we're no longer together were the poeple from the office and a few guildmates from HOL. His folks and mine don't have the slightest idea. Even both of our sibs don't know it yet. I wonder how I'm gonna break it to them. Even most of our friends don't know it yet! People have been asking me where he is, and I don't know what to tell them! I just give them my usual "He's in Laguna." It's a safe answer, since he really is there and I'm not compromising myself in any way. Right now I am not in the mood to explain to everybody why we broke up.

Anyways, I'm on my own again - after 4 years! And I found that I actually like the feeling of being unattached! I love being free, and being able to do things whenever and wherever I want. Sure, I miss being held by someone who loves me but I've got friends who can always give me a hug to comfort me.

I'm not gonna be a hypocrite and say I don't miss Carlo. 'Coz I do - a helluva lot! I wonder when I'm gonna see him again, and what's gonna happen. He told me he's coming to Manila next week, and he asked if he could see me. I said "Sure"..


Geez.. "I need some distraction, oh beautiful relief.."

That's why I made this new blog! And I'm planning to go back to playing RF, to keep my mind off "things". Also, Miss Joey was asking me if I would wanna take some computer classes in Informatics. Thank God for my friends, my job, and online gaming for helping me keep my sanity!


12:34 PM

Sunday, April 23, 2006


Listening to: Let Me Go [3 doors down]
"I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand; You love me but you don't know who I am; So let me go.. "


Lullabye
Little girl stop crying
Close your eyes and worry no more
Think your happy thought
of clouds and stars -
Think not of your broken heart

Little girl stop crying
Let slumber take you
in its velvety arms
Sleep well and sleep tight
For things will look better
In the morning light.

~ Right now I'm at a loss for words. I only have this lullabye to comfort me..

7:23 PM