Last night, for the first time in a long while I cried myself to sleep. It sucks. Really. Mikey and I had a fight. It was so bad it left me crying in front of the bathroom mirror with the sink faucet turned on. Yeah, pathetic huh?

The fight was about me getting mad at him for logging out before me because he's sleepy. What irked me is the fact that he woke up past 12 PM yesterday whilst I've been awake since 3:30 AM. I'm just not used to this. He's always the one to tell me to go to sleep when I'm in Pasig. And hearing him say he's sleepy really upset me. :( He mentioned something about envying the people on his YM list because we're all inspired to play RF. The game bores him already, so he refuses to top up his account. As for me, I'm still BA. I enjoy doing whatever I can to help my race. He said something like: "Dahil ba di na ako nag RF di mo na ako papansinin?" Coz I kept saying "Wait lng, baby." Which is like ^%$&%#&*^. I can't scout in my RF window and talk to him in my Y!M window and stay alive. And I can't chat much either when I'm mobbing naiad helkins or turncoat mages in BD. *sigh* I logged off before I totally lost my cool, coz I'm teary eyed and barely holding on to it. And the last thing I want was for the guys at Ingen to see me cry. But I think Curby noticed I'm upset. He walked me home, me ranting during the whole 2 mins it took us to walk to my place. He told me to calm down, take a shower and then sleep. I'm grateful he still does that for me, despite of what I put him through.

I love the game, not because of the game play but because of the people I am with. People actually depend on me. And I have my responsibilities to fulfill. Heck, I just wanna get Soulrun to lvl 47. I owe her that. I was planning on gaining at least 5% EXP everyday. But yesterday I gained 15%! Which means I only need 55% more to get to 47, 11 more days of BD PLing - then I can wear my rainbow suit. I was pleased with myself. But it didn't last long coz we had a fight right after my last BD key.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Coz I think of Souly as a real person. She's like a sister to me. I run to her when the real world isn't so good to me. Because of Soulrun I was able to get over the 4-yr rollercoaster ride I had with Carlo. I was able to make a lot of good friends and meet scores of wonderful people. I met Butch. I think he fell in love with Soulrun first, then me. LOL. It was good while it lasted. And I don't regret any of it, never will. When things with Butch went bad, I had Souly and my friends to make me feel better. I had Hossie and Curby to rant to. And they'd listen. Then Mikey came along. If it wasn't for RF I wouldn't have known he existed. But it's ironic though, that the fights we've had lately is all about RF. Me, my gaming and the people who constantly hound me with PM's. I know sometimes he feels like it's pretty darned difficult to get through to me. As much as I'd want to believe he doesn't mind waiting up for me.. I can't. Coz my gut feeling tells me otherwise. And I've learned long ago to trust my instincts.

I just finished a cup of coffee, which didn't do me any good at all. My eyes are all puffy, and they kinda hurt and makes me squint. I'm so not in the mood to work. I just wanna crawl back to bed and stay there. Heck, maybe I'm just gonna do some laundry when I get off work later.

Maybe I am over reacting. Maybe I am not. But this is how I feel now. And I'm not gonna be sorry for the things I said today.

I'm ranting because I feel real bad. I think he doesn't realize how important he is to me. Or what it means to me to sleep knowing that I can touch his face and watch his lips slowly curl up into that lil smile of his which I soo love when I wake up in the morning.